Drastic Measures Ep. 26: LASER CATS EVERYWHERE!

Written by Shadowstrike (Turboman)

Avi: Why exactly should we be afraid?

SD76: Are you serious! Metabad went out! By the time he gets back we will have at least 42 new enemies!

Shadow: Team, no need to be afraid....ah hell who am I kidding, panic!

Briansfox: I'm going to the bunker!

Demon Roy: We have a bunker?

Darksage: Yeah....Metabad built it with a stick in the backyard.

Beowolf: Wait, I thought that was his “summer” home.

Darksage: No, that box in the backyard is his summer home. The pile of sticks is our “bunker”

SD76: Wait, is that the same box from the TV?

Shadow: I think so- *the sound of a door opening crashes through the house. * oh...shit!

Metabad: *holding a box * HEY GUYS I'M HOME! AND I BOUGHT PRESENTS!

Briansfox, Demon Roy and Avi: Presents?! *They go running in*

Beowolf: This isn't going to end well, is it?

Darksage: Knowing Metabad, we are going to be arrested somehow.


* In The Foyer.....yes we have a foyer *

Avi: Whats in the box?

Metabad: Hold on! *box moves * Gotta wait for the others.

Briansfox: Tell us!

Demon Roy: Come on, tell us! *a hole is ripped in the box by a laser * Whoa! You bought guns?

Metabad: Nooooooooooooooo.

* The other 4 walk in *

Shadow: Metabad.... Did you steal that stuff in the box?

Metabad: No! It's* rips open the box*

SD76: You bought cats?

Metabad: Not just cats! LASER CATS!

Avi: What now...? KITTIES?! OHMYGODOHMYGOD! I love kitties!

Metabad: Laser cats. Cats who fire lasers from their mouths. See? *picks one up and fires a laser at SD76*

SD76: gah! Watch it! * is chased by metabad who is firing lasers at him wildly*

Shadow: Laser....cats?

Beowolf: I'll take one down to my lab to analyze it. Sage, come with and you can check if they have a magical origin.

Darksage: I wouldn't bet on it, but it is good to check. *They leave *

Avi: * picks up a cat* I've always wanted a laser gun. And the fact that this is a cat makes it even better! * fires the laser *

Shadow: One of them is going to die, aren't they?

Demon Roy: Most likely * is hit by a laser * OW! *chases after Avi who is chasing Metabad who is chasing SD76 *

Briansfox: So, what do we do now? * A crash is heard as a brick is sent flying through the window and hits him * What the?! WHO THREW THAT?

???: NOT ME! * runs off *

Shadow: That...was odd. * picks up the brick and finds a note * What a surprise, a note. *reads it * Dear You, your collection of laser cats must be given up. Come to the cliff at 8 or the harbor at 8 and surrender them to us or we will destroy your base. Sincerely, Dr. Scientist and Robottron.

Briansfox: Robot...tron?

Demon Roy * still running * Dr. Scientist? Wow, these guys are creative *is hit by a laser * GOD DAMNIT!

Shadow: Everyone.... STOP. *they stop running * It seems that some weirdo's with accesses to bricks have called us out. We can't take this lying down. Now, Metabad, SD and I will go the cliff, Briansfox, Demon Roy, and Avi, you guys go to the harbor. I guess we can each take one of these cats. They may help us out. Also, these may just be some normal people with an obsession, so don't use your powers. Any questions?

Metabad: I have one! What if they are a robot or a super scientist, then can we use our powers?

SD76: No.

Metabad: I asked Shadow, not you!

Shadow: No.

Metabad: Oh, okay then.

Briansfox: Man, these seems pretty mundane. Common Criminals? We probably won't even get a real fight out of this.

Avi: Who cares, we have cats! CATS! That shoot laser beams. * pets a cat and it fires a laser at Briansfox* Oh....sorry....Metabad did it!

Metabad: No I didn't!

Avi: Yes you did.

Metabad: Oh, I guess I was wrong then. *fires a laser at Avi* NICE TRY! I'M SMARTER THAN YOU THINK!

Shadow: Metabad.

Metabad: YEAH!?!

Shadow: We left the room.

Metabad: Oh. *runs after the team*

* Meanwhile, in the lab*

Darksage: Beo, what did the tachyon scanner read?

Beowolf: All normal. All these tests have come back normal, there is no scientific reasoning as to why these cats are firing lasers!

Darksage: I'm finding trace amounts of magic, but not enough to effect these cats in such a way.

Beowolf: Wait, what if they are some kind of extraterrestrial?

Darksage: An alien cat that shoots lasers? Test it! I'll test if it came from an alternate dimension. That may explain the trace amounts of magic.

* Later that Day, at the Cliff *

Shadow: Alright, we're here, where is this guy- Are those?

Metabad: Mets! Thousands of them!

SD76: This won't be fun.

???: Ah, welcome gentlemen. I see you fell into my trap. My name is Robottron, and we were hired by a “friend” of yours to dispose of you. BUT YOU * points at Metabad * STOLE OUR WEAPONS!

Shadow: I thought you didn't steal them.

Metabad: I lied!

Robottron: Return our ultimate weapons or be destroyed!

Shadow: By mets? I don't think you know who we are.

Robottron: Still going to fight? Your loss! MET ARMY, PRIME YOUR LASER CATS!

SD76: Oh you gotta be kidding me. * The three watch in disbelief as each met pulls out a laser cat and starts to fire at them *

Shadow: Seadragon, Metabad, transform!

Metabad: You said not to!

Shadow: Well I am unsaying it! TURBOMAN TRANSFORM!

SD76: JUNKMAN TRANSFORM!

Metabad: Awesome! CLOUDMAN TRANSFORM!

*A Blinding flash as the three turn into their Robot Master Counterparts *

Turbo: Guys, you know what to do, ROLL OUT!

*At the harbor *

Avi: Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty

Briansfox: Shh, You never know what may be here

???: Ah, welcome to your doom! My name is Dr. Scientist. You have walked into my trap. Hand over the laser cats or die a painful death.

Demon Roy: How about we keep them, and kick your butt?

Dr. Scientist: That is not a choice.

Avi: YOU ARE NOT GETTING MY KITTY! * fires a laser from the laser cat at Dr. Scientist*

Dr. Scientist: *bashes the laser away with his claw* YOU DARE ATTACK ME? GUARDS! DESTROY THEM!

Demon Roy: Bring them on! We can take 'em *All the doors in the surrounding buildings open, and pour in Mets.* Your guards are mets? Little mets with no attacks? *is slapped by Avi * Ow, what was that for?

Avi: Don't make fun of the mets.

Dr. Scientist: Meet your doom! GUARDS, PRIME YOUR LASERS! *all the met's pull out laser cats*

Avi: OH MY GOD!

Briansfox: Guys, we better 'form up.

Demon Roy: Yeah. SHADEMAN TRANSFORM!

Avi: I don't want to hurt them..... *gets hit by a laser* Thats it! Burstgirl Transform!

Briansfox: Here we go! Slashman Transform!

*Another similar blinding flash as they too transform into their robot master counter parts. *

Dr. Scientist: What is this? I wasn't told of this!

Slash: Buddy, we only just started. Go!

*Back in the lab *

Beowolf: Crap! Sage, look at this dimensional pattern.

Darksage: That can only mean-

Beowolf: Yeah. The Beyonder is in this.

Darksage: The others, we got to warn them!

Beowolf: You go to the cliff, I'll go to the harbor.

Darksage: Already on my way! *The two go running *

*Back at the cliff *

Turbo: They don't stop!

Junk: I know, we really have to stop this guy.

Cloud: Hey, guys, watch this! *His cat fires a laser that jumps from Met to met, clearing out a large number of them *

Turbo: How did you do that?

Cloud: I synched my power with it!

Junk: What could it hurt? *fires his cat, now synched with him, causing a aura of lasers to appear around him * Now we're talking! *dashes into a field of mets as lasers bounce off him. *

Turbo: Here we go! *fires his laser, now synched. The laser strikes a met and explodes in a fire ball, destroying all in it's vicinity. * Wow. These cats are awesome!

Robottron: Filthy humans, you can not win! My sniper cat can not be beat! *pulls out a Laser Cat fixed with a sniper scope *

Junk: Get serious! Your laser cat is weak! *forms his staff, now made of a laser and swipes the mets around him to dust *

Robottron: Die! *fires at Cloudman, but hits a met instead, turning it into solid metal. *

Cloud: We gotta get near him! * A laser is fired right at cloud who freezes in place* Oh crap! I DONT WANT TO BE METAL!

???: I got ya! *pulls Cloudman out of the way, for the rock behind him to be metalicized *

Turbo: Spring? What are you doing here?

Spring: We found out the cat's origins. The Beyonder, he created them.

Cloud: The Beyonder made them? And sent this guy to kill us?

Junk: He really needs to shape up.

Turbo: Alright, we can do this and we can do this now. Junk and Spring, run a distraction. Cloud, you and I will run right at this guy. Ready? Roll out! *the four split into 2 groups *

Junk: Spring, Sync with your cat.

Spring: What, oh, I guess.* syncs with his cat and fires his laser. The laser hits a met. The met flies into the air* Aw, mine sucks *The met in the air explodes with a fireworks like display * It still sucks. Wait a minute. *Moves the tail of the cat and fires the laser again. This time the met goes flying forward, and destroys some of it's cousins.* I take it back, mine rules.

Junk: You two, go! He is distracted!

Turbo: I got a clear shot! * goes to fire his cat, but no laser is fired * What, I'm out of ammo?

Cloud: I brought a spare! *throws a cat at Turbo *

Robottron: Die you metal monstrosity! * fires at Cloudman and hits him dead on *

Turbo: No! *chain fires his laser cat. The lasers rip into Robottron and explode with the force of 100 missiles. As the smoke clears, there isn't even metal shards, but a black smoke that dissipates in the air* Metabad, are you alright? Metabad?

Cloud: *coughs * Yeah, but my cloud is welded to the ground. I wish I had legs.

Junk:*running up* Good job you two. The mets all shut down.

Cloud: *turns back to human form * Ah, thats better. I have legs again.

Turbo: Beyonder! Show yourself!

* The air 20 feet above them starts to shimmer as a familiar form appears *

Beyonder: Hello Drastic Measures. I must say. I am impressed.

Junk: You're disgusting. You created these creatures just for weapons?

Beyonder: How is that any different than yourself?

Spring: We have a choice.

Metabad: Yeah!

Beyonder: You have earned your right to survive another day. But do know I could have ended you right now. I will be taking my creations with me. * he disappears. The cats also disappears from the team's hands *

Turbo: Lets...just head home.

*Back at the Harbor *

Slash: *dodging a laser, he slashes a met while blasting another with his laser cat. * These guys don't stop, do they?

Shade: We destroy one, 3 more attack.

Burst: At least these cats do more than fire lasers! * fires a laser which leaves bubbles in it's wake. Each bubble soon explode *

Shade: How did you?

Burst: I don't know, I guess I just tried to fire both at once.

Slash: Let me try! * fires his laser cat at a met who is diced into pieces, along with the 3 near it * Alright! Now we're talking!

Shade: My turn! * he fires his laser cat. The laser strikes a met and explodes in a sound wave that causes all the mets near it to self destruct* Awesome!

Dr. Scientist: No matter! *He fires his laser cat. Slash jumps out of the way of the laser, but when it hits the wall it breaks into 3 and continues to bounce around. Each time they hit a wall they split up 3 more times.*

Shade: *is hit by 3 lasers * Gah, this won't be good! *All of a sudden an ice wall raises from the ground, protecting the 3 from lasers *

Freeze: That should stop the lasers for a bit. We need to take this guy down hard and fast, he was sent by Beyonder.

Burst: That shadowy guy?

Slash: Yeah. Wait, he sent THIS guy to take us down?

Freeze: Apparently. Alright, Shade and Burst, you two draw fire and take out as many mets as you can. Slash, you and I will take this guy down. Everyone understand?

Burst: Yup.

Shade: Yeah.

Slash: Alright lets do this!

* The four break off into 2 teams just as the wall collapses. Shademan and Burstgirl relentlessly fire and destroy a large number of mets as Dr. Scientist takes aim at them.*

Freeze: *on top of a building * YOU LOSE! *fires his laser cat at Dr. Scientist, freezing him solid.*

Slash: Game Over! * fires his laser, slicing and dicing the now frozen Dr. Scientist into small cubes. Soon after the cubes disintegrate into a black smoke which doesn't last long in the night ai. *

Burst: You guys killed him!

Freeze: He was nothing. He was a facade made by the Beyonder to destroy us.

Slash: I think he was distracting us for something. He would have normally sent some sort of a challenge.

Shade: I think it's best we just head back to base.

* Later, back at the Casket Mansion, in the Accusing Parlor*

Shadow: That was probably the most useless battle we've ever fought.

SD76: Metabad, where did you even find those cats?

Metabad: A box on our front door, duh.

Briansfox: You're kidding me.

Metabad: No. The box was just sitting there.

Demon Roy: This is pretty fishy.

Beowolf:* walking in with Darksage* They are gone.

Avi: Not the kitties!

Darksage: Completely gone.

Beowolf: They evaporated just like Dr. Scientist did. Into a black smoke then nothing.

Avi: NOOOOOOOOO!

 Metabad: Aw...I had named mine!

SD76: I am afraid to ask this, but what did you name it?

 Metabad: Lil' SD.

SD76: Wha, you named it after me?

Metabad: Yeah.

SD76: I'm touched.

Metabad: Yup. After I saw it chew through the PS2 controller cords, I knew I had to name it after you!

SD76: He chewed through my cords!? Metabad, I'll kill you! *chases after Metabad*

Shadow: Here we go again...well, I guess we'll never find out why those cats were made.

Darksage: Beowolf and I will keep doing research.

Beowolf: But who knows, The Beyonder probably has some convulted reason.

Avi: Why the kitties?

*In another time, another place, in his castle*

Beyonder: This data was all I needed. I can now finish my creations. My ultimate weapons. The ones that will do an end to the fools that dare cross that of which was written in the stars. Soon, Drastic Measures, soon.

Unknown Figure: Master, May I see you in the lab?

Beyonder: What? Why?

Unknown Figure: It....is time.

The End